Wash was never quite sure what he expected. He only knew, simply, undoubtedly, that it hadn’t been this.

He never dreamed he’d get to the military and rise through ranks and missions to a top secret government project. He never dreamed he’d have the time to notice anyone else on this ship as anything other than a teammate.

He expected her to be kind. It was war, didn’t he deserve some kindness? A soft spoken word of encouragement, a gentle, secret touch on the shoulder. He expected her to smile when they were alone and kiss him softly when he was hurt.

He thought she’d smell like flowers. Maybe it was past experiences creeping up, girls who liked perfumes and lotions that bottled the essence of summer. He thought she’d smell like home, like manufactured scents of seasons long gone and irrelevant in space, she’d smell of familiarity and she’d help him forget the sweat and blood and machines and smoke that he brought back from every mission.

He wanted her to smile like she’d just remembered a joke she’d heard days ago. He wanted her to laugh like she forgot what was funny. He wanted her to light up when she saw him, to have that moment where their eyes met and she would grin at him, or look away, or hold eye contact and outright smile or laugh at something she just remembered but wouldn’t tell him about even though he’d spend the next five minutes asking.

He figured her skin would be flawed. He figured, like a normal person, she’d have blemishes and old scars. She’d need to have indentations where she scratched at scabs, maybe an odd curve to her nose from when it was broken, rough hands and tough, taut skin, bottom of her feet littered with blisters. He figured her fingernails would be short and stubby, maybe even like her fingers, kept their length by an impatient biting habit and a dislike for nail files. He figured her hair would be frizzy and barely kept under control, impatiently braided or puller back and sticking out in the hints of a curl, or straighter but tangled with impatience that comes from someone in the army. He figured it’d be long enough to securely fasten back in place and away from her face, because she was still a soldier and she still would have to be efficient.

Wash expected, thought, wanted, and figured, all of the concepts not clear enough to be known, but plain enough to know when they hadn’t been met.

CT was disappointing, and somehow that made him love her even more.